NORTHAMPTON, Mass. - A "Stink Squad" of trained noses has been employed to root out Northampton's landfill odors. The city has hired specially trained stink-sniffers to help determine whether the dump is too pungent for neighboring homeowners to stand.
Northampton officials signed a $25,000,000 contract with an Agawam environmental company, Skunkbusters, Ltd., after state officials ordered independent sniffing of landfill odors. Using little more than their own noses and a reference guide (Everyman’s Encyclopedia of Foul Odors: Third Edition), the Stink Squad members will detect and rate the strength of landfill gases, rotting flesh, and other common unpleasantries. Ratings are ranked on a scale of 1 to 8, as follows:
Northampton officials signed a $25,000,000 contract with an Agawam environmental company, Skunkbusters, Ltd., after state officials ordered independent sniffing of landfill odors. Using little more than their own noses and a reference guide (Everyman’s Encyclopedia of Foul Odors: Third Edition), the Stink Squad members will detect and rate the strength of landfill gases, rotting flesh, and other common unpleasantries. Ratings are ranked on a scale of 1 to 8, as follows:
1. Mildly nauseating, but bearable 2. Rather foul, open the windows 3. Distinctly noxious 4. Who died? 5. Gross me out! 6. Beyond repulsive 7. Are those your socks? 8. Are there any barf bags left?
Each sniffer holds an advanced degree in Stenchonomics, and must judge the smells against a “shit kit” they carry featuring ready-to-sniff odors of various intensities, e.g., elephant feces, frog vomit, cadaver gas; etc.
If the Stink Squad assigns a rating +4 on their scale, the city could be fined or ordered to make changes. A rating of 8 will require that Northampton be bulldozed.
