WASHINGTON — President Bush signed an order Friday that clears the way for the CIA to resume recreational activities designed to improve the quality of life for suspected terrorists. The executive order ends months of legal skirmishing in the government over how to comply with laws barring recreational games and activities for detainees, and a Supreme Court ruling last year requiring the government to “get tough” on prisoners. The CIA has been reluctant to specify precisely which extreme sports it engaged in, fearing its agents would be labeled “wimps and wusses.” The executive order, however, makes the following ten activities permissible under law.
1. Waterboarding
2. Bobbing for Adam’s Apples
3. Blind Man’s Bluff
4. Debaseball
5. Unarmed Wrestling
6. Hide the Needle
7. Tic-hack-toe
8. Burnball
9. Cement Diving
10. Hangman
Bush administration officials involved in drafting the order said it was designed to preserve flexibility for the CIA and to show the world that we’re exceeding the standards set by the Geneva Conventions. “We’re bending over backwards to treat these bastards with decency,” remarked Vice President Dick Cheney, en route to the National Waterboarding Championships, which are held each year at an undisclosed location.
