Colophon for Farcebook

 

typefarce by norman conquest

Mail Art

For the “Fake Andy Warhol” exhibition (2013)

The Great Wall Poster

excerpt from DON’T WORRY, IT’S NOT ABOUT HATS

The author pulling a hat out of a rabbit. 

 

 

from DON’T WORRY, IT’S NOT ABOUT HATS (Black Scat Books)

You can order my chapbook here

Don’t Worry, It’s Only Ten Bucks

My little chapbook. Don’t Worry, It’s Not About Hats, is back in stock in a second printing. The murky brown cover of the first edition (see below) may have given the impression that the book was in poor taste and possibly offensive. Hopefully the new version will seduce the general public into purchasing it.

Hell, it’s only $10.

Feel free to order multiple copies here.

HALLUCI-NATIONS

DETAILS

Goddess

• Gisèlle Prassinos‏

Fantasmagorie (1908)

 

one of the earliest examples of hand-drawn animation

Absurd Words, Puns, & Fun

It’s all packed into this huge collection of Captain Cap tales by the great Alphonse Allais:

CAPTAIN CAP: HIS ADVENTURES, HIS IDEAS, HIS DRINKS
Translated from the French by Doug Skinner.

370 pages -- profusely illustrated with witty drawings by Skinner, plus copious notes on the translation. In addition to the complete, unabridged text of the original 1902 French edition, the book includes eight uncollected stories featuring the good old Captain. There’s also a “Cappendix” of rare historical drawings & photos,

You can grab a discounted copy on AMAZON here.

Peppo Poster

My Wants List

CHECK IN

 

Taking a step back and trying to be objective, Hotel Ortolan reminds me of those early paperbacks published by City Lights… little gems like A Hundred Camels in the Courtyard  and True Minds. Or, perhaps, Breton’s illustrated novel Nadja published by Grove Press. Certainly Michel Varisco’s photographs are equally haunting.

Ortolan is the sort of slender surrealist volume one dreams of encountering at a bookshop in Paris. The door on the cover dares you to enter. And, of course, you do. You open that forbidding door, step inside and then…well, it’s too late. Whalen’s words are in your bloodstream. The book is destined to be  displayed face out on one’s bookshelf, or even under glass. It’s surely not an edition one loans to a friend, as it will never be returned. It won’t find itself in a box at a yard sale in Greenwich, or at the Salvation Army in Sacramento. Maybe, just maybe, a copy will appear in the bin outside Strand in NYC, but only because it arrived from an estate sale and was mistakenly sorted by an ignorant temp.

Limited to only 125 copies, it’s already imbued with the aura of an avant-garde classic that collectors will search for without success.

“Ever seen a copy of Whalen’s Ortolan?”

Here’s your chance, only 75 copies remaining.

CLICK HERE TO ORDER

Spread the urge…..

LINK

BE FAMOUS LIKE ME

from ART (IS) FOR IMBECILES by Norman Conquest

ART FORUM

from ART (IS) FOR IMBECILES by Norman Conquest

Think BLINK!

An eye-opening new book by artist Farewell Debut is available from Black Scat Books.
LINK TO DETAILS

Alain Rides Again!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Vp0KOyF_jc

Pure Madcap!

He’s back!

LINK

WTF?

DRAC ON HUFF

My cover for Dracula was one of the designs featured on Huffington Post at the link below:\

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/28/classic-book-covers-reinv_n_3333212.html

Drac is Back

 

If you’re thirsty for Bram’s Stoker’s novel in a new edition (with a cover design by yours truly), you can order it from Harvard at the following link: http://recoveringtheclassics.com/7540

Conquest Interview: Short & Sweet

I was interviewed recently by design guru Steven Heller for his blog at PRINT.
Here’s the LINK

On the road…

Black Scat Books is moving.

Jaffe’s ANTI-TWITTER Free—Today & Tomorrow

Oh boy, don’t miss out on this!

These 50-word stories are based on “found” texts from mainstream news sources and other public sites. Jaffe sculpts them to reveal their inner core, all niceties stripped away. Now the true motives, fears and sins of our age are on display for all who care to see.

Amidst an internet-driven content boom, meaning has virtually disappeared. Anti-Twitter’s extreme brevity demonstrates by example that brief need not = dumbed-down. Though the stories describe a wide arc: high and pop culture, intimate and public, sordid and exalted, all subjects are equally laid bare by Jaffe’s incisive stratagems.

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD A FREE COPY ON AMAZON

Also note that Jaffe’s Revolutionary Brain and Jesus Coyote are now for sale in Kindle format at a reduced introductory price of $2.99,

Book Club

Merdre!

HOW I BECAME AN IDIOT by Francisque Sarcey (Alphonse Allais)
Translated and with an introduction & annotations by Doug Skinner
Absurdist Texts & Documents – Interim Edition No. 00

“Francisque Sarcey (1827-1899) was, for much of his career, the most powerful theatrical critic in Paris. He was the perfect model of the blunt bourgeois, championing common sense, anti-intellectualism, and traditional values. He favored light, commercial fare, and railed against Ibsen and Jarry.

He was, predictably, a prime target for young artists. Alphonse Allais took the ridicule to new heights: from 1886 to 1893, he wrote a regular column for Le Chat Noir, which he simply signed as Francisque Sarcey. The pseudo-Sarcey became a grotesque caricature of the smug middle class, a sort of proto-Ubu: an obese, gluttonous, lecherous, hypocritical dolt, prattling on about his constipation and hemorrhoids, in loosely-knit sentences studded with clichés.”—Doug Skinner

HOW I BECAME AN IDIOT includes four of Allais’s nastiest columns,

Limited Edition of 60 copies. perfect-bound. $12.50

Don’t be an idiot, order your copy right here.

Strangelove Redux

Washington (CNN) -- In an unprecedented action, an Air Force commander has stripped 17 of his officers of their authority to control and launch nuclear missiles.

The 17 are being sent to undergo 60 to 90 days of intensive refresher training on how to do their jobs. The action comes after their unit performed poorly on an inspection and one officer was investigated for potential compromise of nuclear launch codes, according to Lt. Col. John Dorrian, an Air Force spokesman.

The story was first reported by The Associated Press.

The action was taken by the deputy commander of the 91st Operations Group, Lt. Col. Jay Folds, whose officers run launch control centers for the Minuteman III nuclear missiles from Minot Air Force Base in North Dakota.

What, Me Worried?

Read HOT HEART OF BOAR before it’s too late.

WidowShop.com

 

Where the newly single like to mingle.

Name: Katherine R.
Location: Boston area
Religion: Muslum [sic]
Hobbies: shoplifting; jihad
Mother-in-law’s Hobbies: shoplifting; jihad
Pet Peeves: “Guys who ask the same questions over and over again.”
Likes: “Quiet evenings by the fireworks; pressure-cooked meals; Russian dressing; running.
Ideal Mate: “A  Chechnyan with a sense of humor.”

Bragging Rites: Found (Sexist) Art

Courtesy of Peppo Bianchessi (Italy)

Even today this mindset still exists

The Danish X-Factor judge – who is apparently often referred to as “the Simon Cowell of Denmark”- hosts a show in which a woman enters the stage, silently strips in front of him and a guest and then listens to them critique her body.

.

Strange Tales / Obsessions Dept.

AMOK by Stefan Zweig

Drac is back…

I was recently invited  to design a cover for a reissue of Bram Stoker’s classic novel.

Here it is…

<< cover design by norman conquest >>

The Thinking Man’s Link

http://blackscatbooks.com/2013/04/29/there-will-be-no-june-gloom-here/

Fasten your seat belts, it’s gonna be a rough fucking ride.

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.

I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not fucking funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

"Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.

I'm not fucking kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't fucking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.

 

*****************oulipian psycho sorority rant**********************************

 

If you just opened this like I told you to, tier yourself down-and-out to whatever chairlift you're situation in, because this email is going to be a roughcast fucking ride.
For those of you that have your headaches stuck under rockers, which apparently is the maker of this char, we have been FUCKING UP in terminals of nightcap timekeeper eventualities and general social intercepts with Sigma Nu. I've been getting textbooks on textbooks about pepper LITERALLY belch so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you're readjustment this right now and scab to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much function with my sister-in-laws this weekday!", then punchball yourself in the facet right now so that I donation't have to fucking find you on camshaft to do it myself.

I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu doers not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking lover to talk to your sister-in-laws. You have 361 daydreams out of the fucking yearbook to talk to sister-in-laws, and this weekday is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This weekday is about fostering relatives in the greek commuter, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsletter you stupid cockatoos: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the wayfarer in casebook you're an idler and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shoals that have talked openly about postbag gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you pepper fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical questioner, I LITERALLY want you to email me backbench telly me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you donation't go to anymore nightcap timekeeper eventualities. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invocation Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! Fish of all, you SHOULDN'T be postbag gaming at other frats, I donation't give a FUCK if your bra is in it, if your brotherhood is in it, or if your entire famine is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girlfriends to leave with you.

"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bite voice-over to your computing screening as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our team-mates at all the sportsmen, doesn't that countdown for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten textbooks about pepper belch fucking WEIRD at sportsmen (for excavator, belch stupid shoals and scab stump like "durr what's kickball?" is not fucking funny), but I've gotten textbooks about pepper actually cheering for the opposing team-mate. The opposing. Fucking. Team-mate. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I donation't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it meantime to make pepper like you that you think belch a good little supposition of the greek commuter is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's timekeeper someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cup punter the next persona I hear about doing something like that, and I donation't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

"Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any wayfarer, means if you are a little asswipe that stands in the cornerstones at nightcap or if you're a weirdo shoal that doers weirdo shoal during the daydream, this follow-on messenger is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.

I'm not fucking kidding. Donation't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disfavour where you're unable to NOT do these thingamabobs, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girlfriends that are function, talk to boycotts, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking failings. If you are one of the pepper that have told me "Oh nooo boob hoo I can't talk to boycotts I'm too sober", then I pivot you because I donation't know how you got this far in lifeboat, and with that in minder donation't fucking show up unless you're going to stop belch a goddamn cockatoo blockade for our char. Seriously. I swear to fucking Godchild if I see anyone belch a goddamn boner at tonight's eventuality, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really donation't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.

RIP

http://youtu.be/ozX0KazFoDk

Meeting of the Minds

Avant-Pop guru Larry McCaffery holds forth on “pornoglyphics” at a restaurant in Ocean Beach, CA (circa 1996). At center, artist Sheila Young, and Norman Conquest on the far left, natch.

SPARKS ARE FLYIN!

In 2008, the great Tosh Berman—author and publisher of TamTam Books—got on a plane with a single motive: “Sparks Spectacular.” It had been announced that the band Sparks would perform all twenty-one of their albums in a succession of twenty-one nights in London…a monumental experience for any Sparks fanatic. Part travel journal, part personal memoir, Berman takes us through the streets of London and Paris, observing both cities’ history and culture through the eye of an obsessive Sparks fan’s lens. Including album-by-album reviews of all twenty-one albums and beyond, Sparks-Tastic defines a place and time in music history that’s too defining to be ignored.

Tosh Berman, author of "Sparks-Tastic: Twenty-One Nights With Sparks in London" (A Barnacle Book) will be doing a small West Coast Reading & Signing Tour in April 2013.   The dates so far:

Tuesday April 23rd; 7 PM
Stories Books and Cafe
1716 West Sunset Boulevard
Los Angeles (Echo Park), CA 90026-3225
Phone number 213-3733
http://www.storiesla.com/#home
Wednesday April 24th; 7 PM
City Lights Booksellers
261 Columbus Avenue at Broadway
San Francisco, CA 94133
Phone Number 415-362-4921
http://www.citylights.com/info/?fa=events
Thursday April 25th; 7:30 PM
Powell's City of Books on Burnside
1005 W Burnside
Portland, OR
Phone Number 800-878-7323
http://www.powells.com/calendar.html
Monday April 29; 7 PM
Book Soup
8818 Sunset Blvd
West Hollywood, CA 90069
Phone number 310-659-3110
http://www.booksoup.com/author-events?page=1

The Captain’s Table

Well isn’t this splendid…a new collection of Captain Cap stories by my old friend Alphonse Allais.

Yes, it’s volume two in a 4-part series from Black Scat Books, translated from the French by the one and only Doug Skinner—a man who not only knows how to crack open the insidious French language, but who can draw a pun in three dimensions—much like the devil himself. Skinner has illustrated this divine edition (104 pages, mind you!) throughout. Such a lovely cover, too, I’m thinking of framing it, as it reminds me of the glory days of Les Arts incohérents.

I can’t imagine a better April Fool’s chaser.

Only 125 copies to be sold (and I hear a batch have already been snapped up), so order quickly from this LINK. Hurry up!

Happy April Tuesday.

Rectified Poster Boy

Via Beuyscouts of Amerika

BOAR on the floor…

A posthumous collaboration with grand master Terry Southern has just launched over on Black Scat Books—HOT HEART OF BOAR & OTHER TASTES. I was honored to  illustrate the edition with eight collages. However, the lovely front cover image featuring Hermann Göring was done by Terry to accompany his unproduced screenplay, The Hunters of Karinhall—an excerpt of which leads off the collection and is where I discovered the book’s title.

I had intended to post a few of the pictures here, but decided they’re not suitable for a family blog such as this. Thus—if you’re morbidly curious—you’ll have to buy a copy to see them. But even without the illustrations, BOAR is worth owning since nothing can match Southern’s brand of satire.

The edition is limited to 125 copies and includes illuminating introductory texts by Nile Southern.

You can order a copy here.

I’ve been fortunate enough to illustrate two books by Southern—the other being Puritan Porn, which was published in 2007 by Paul Rosheim’s exquisite press, Obscure Publications.

It’s certainly rare to have been blessed with two opportunities to have my name attached to books by my idol. And for this I’m forever grateful to Terry’s son.

Thank you, Nile!

COLD DEAD HAND

Cold Dead Hand with Jim Carrey from Jim Carrey

Location, Location, Location

The location of Mirthfulness, Tune, Time and Eventuality.

Strange Face

Get Green!

Move Over, Ella

via Black Scat Books

Jihadi Jimi

Our bud at an undisclosed location. (Photographer unknown)

Three Cheers for Higgs Boson!

For Higgs. Norman Conquest

Why the hell not?

Since everybody else is running this poster…

“You have been replaced…”

Yes, even you can do it here

What can I say? Scat happens.

Nostalgia

Canio’s Books in Sag Harbor, NY where I gave one of my rare performances in 1980. Founded by the great  Canio Pavone, the store had an ambience you won’t find at the mall…creaky floors, dust, overstuffed furniture, a touch of old Italy, and lots of quality lit, old and new. I use to hang there on Saturday mornings with writers Nelson Algren and Peter Fine.

It was hot java and great gab in a quiet corner by the window. Nelson held forth with unparalleled anecdotes (all of them true), e.g., the inside scoop on his affair with Simone de Beauvoir for god sakes..

Pleased to report the store is still open for business. If you’re in the Hamptons this summer be sure to drop in.

The Gun Show

Two of my Beuyscout posters were chosen for The Gun Show exhibition over at the Creative Action Network.

A lot of nice art on display, check it out.

LINK

Take the Easy Way Out

Rare cut by Opal Nations